11/11/21.

It’s been a while.

Hi.

I just got home from the world’s worst airport. NAIA 1 is fucking ugly alright.

We sent my dad off. He’ll be around the Israel-Syria border for a year as part of the UN Disengagement Observer Force. I don’t even have to think of Israel or Syria and what’s going on in there, the word border in itself is enough to keep me on my toes until I find something in the interweb saying that fucking border is the most peaceful fucking border in the whole fucking world.

His plane leaves in 2 hours. In 9 hours he’ll be in Dubai. And three after that in Damascus.

I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep until then.

As much as I dislike having him far away, I’m happy for him. He’s been waiting for this opportunity for a while now, having let go several chances due to certain constraints. Now that he’s on his way, I just want him to enjoy the new life he’ll live there.

And I just want to enjoy what I have now, too.

This marks the beginning of my social media hiatus. I will come back, eventually. Probably when things have settled down. When I’m not too upset anymore. When I’m better.

Till then,

I wish it could stop.

I’m not myself. I’ve changed. I’m upside down. I’m in circles. I’m hung. I’m tied down. I’m fleeting. I’m drowning. I’m somewhere. I’m gone.  

I’m alive. But I’m not living.

I wish it could stop,

And I wish I could start.

She cries

this is more than goodbye

when i look into your eyes

you’re not even there.